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Fled the Premises

My husband and I were on the ride back home from visiting our children and grandchildren in our nation’s capital.  We had a good time – or at least I did because I love playing with 3 and 7 year olds.  My husband did okay with them but it was hard for him to relax and just enjoy them.

With his depression it is hard to predict if he will be up or down.  For three wonderful days he was doing really well and then the downward spiral began.  It manifested itself most markedly in his gait and in his participation with the other family members.  And sometimes he often just sat and people could easily forget he was there.

And that’s the real pain of depression for those that have a depressed loved one.  It is as if the person you know and love has fled the premises.  There is a different individual behind those eyes.  And sometimes that person stays for day on end with no sign of the one we love.

I often think I have to spend time with this new person.  My reasoning is that perhaps if I know this person better, the one who I have known for longer might come out.  But it is hard to know this other person.  He rarely talks.  He sits and stares.  He stumbles and cannot do much of anything.  He literally can’t do anything.  That’s what depression has done to him.

I hope for the days when my loved one comes once again onto the premises.  When  that happens, I will enjoy every minutes I have with him and hopefully this time, he will not leave or at least leave only for a short time.  That’s the hope each of us must have when we wrestle with the demon of depression in our loved ones.  The really important thing is to love them throughout the depression no matter what.  It’s a hard task but I’m glad I get to love all the sides of the person I love.

-Bernadette