Empty, Lost and Depressed

gas tank

The tears were waiting on the rim of her eyes.  She was going through the motions of her job, talking with co-workers, and trying to be positive about what was going on around her.  And the tears waited.

When she arrived at home, the dull ache inside her continued.  She tried to be responsive to her husband, to care for her three year old, but again, only the motions were present.  She was somewhere else.  And the tears waited.

And in bed that night, the tears finally spilled over, wetting her pillow, choking her throat.   She had “lost” her baby and she felt responsible.  What could she have done to prevent this tragedy?  Wasn’t she as mother responsible for the baby, even if it had barely started growing inside her?  Somehow she had failed her child.  And depression was rapidly overtaking her.

We’ve learned a lot about post partum depression – how important it is to support the wife or husband suffering through it, how vital it is to make sure professional help is given, and how necessary it is for those who surround the person with depression to give support and understanding.  Unfortunately, we have never applied those rules of post partum depression to those women who suffer miscarriages.

We instead talk about the person “losing” the baby.  We say that “you can always try again” or “there was probably something wrong with the baby” and “it is all for a good reason.”  How hollow those must sound to someone dealing with a miscarriage.

Generally, for most women, miscarriage is difficult, grieving occurs, but they are able to get on with their lives.  For a portion of women, however, miscarriage is the trigger for depression, a depression that is often overlooked or pooh poohed as not being all that important because “you can always try again.”

These women have “lost” their babies.  Let’s not fail them and lose them to depression.

Advertisements

2 Responses

  1. Before I was a mom I would have thought that women who lost babies to miscarriage or SIDS, etc weren’t affected much by it – because of the sheer lack of discussion about the issue. It was treated in such a nonchalant way in the experiences I had around me. Once I had children, my heart went out to the women I knew who had lost children during or after pregnancy – and I wondered how they had coped. In my practice I’ve had the honor to work with men and women who have lost a child in pregnancy and the feelings they feel are profound and support is paramount. Kudos on addressing this issue!

  2. Many years ago my six-week old daughter died and you would not believe the comments from some people….”At least she wasn’t here that long so you won’t miss her too much.” Things like that. And losing a child in utero is painful as well…that child is living, and loved. Thank you for bringing this topic to the forefront.

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: