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Going up? No, going down.



Living with a depressed spouse is never easy. The pitfalls are there at every moment, waiting for you to step around the corner and drop into a hole of despair. Then there’s the up and down nature of the illness, which Bern and I have both witnessed quite a bit recently – happy days full of inside jokes, silly comments, lighthearted laughter…which turn on a dime to become emptiness, despair, tears.

I’m convinced that vacations and road trips make these ups and downs even more pronounced. Of course, the trip we were just on was bittersweet one to begin with; we’re proud of our daughter’s accomplishments and thrilled to see her excitement at her new life, but moving our oldest 16 hours away was painful no matter how you look at it.

Add to that difficult situation my husband’s most prevalent depression/anxiety symptoms and you get a real mess. Confusion, irritability, difficulty with decisions, staring into space, negativism. Just try getting through a foot-long moving to-do list with all this intruding at the most inopportune times.

Yet at other times, he was capable, on top of things, able to reach out and comfort me as we said goodbye. Of course I’m thankful when these aspects of my husband’s personality are able to shine through.

It’s just really tough never knowing which you’re going to get – the up or the down.


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