Saying you are capable of recovering is not the same as saying it’s your fault. You are depressed and you are not choosing to stay that way, not choosing to have your life lived under this dark cloud.
Maybe it would help to think of your disorder as a natural disaster. Sometimes there is a definite cause for a disaster but just as often there isn’t. The disasters just happen and cause damage and ruin lives.
It is not a country’s fault if it’s struck by a natural disaster. That would be an awful thing to say or think. But it is still that country’s job to clean up the mess. The country and its allies band together to repair what was damaged and to replace what was lost.
It’s the same way that you and your support network fight back against your disorder and if you don’t have the emotional and material resources to start that clean up yet, that’s not your fault. But you have to believe that it can be done. You can feel better than you do. You can take the steps you need to take. You can make the choice to exercise. You can make the choice to eat well. You can make the choice to seek therapy. You can make the choice to take your medication religious. It is one choice and that one choice leads to another. You might not be ready for that step now, but remember that you are capable of making a choice to start on the road to recovery even if you are not ready for it yet.
Never blame yourself for your illness. Just believe you can take that first baby step. One day you will.